Raytheon, Lockheed Martin Lower Flags To Half-Mast For Top Salesman Lindsey Graham

ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA — Defense contractors across the country entered an official period of mourning after the passing of longtime Senator Lindsey Graham, whom executives affectionately remembered as the greatest salesman the military-industrial complex ever had. Board members and weapons manufacturers reportedly held a somber moment of silence on the trading floor as stock prices for major defense contractors experienced a…

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Raytheon, Lockheed Martin Lower Flags To Half-Mast For Top Salesman Lindsey Graham

ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA — Defense contractors across the country entered an official period…

Daily Soak Staff

Bigfoot Researchers Believe They Have Captured Rare Footage Of Wild Mitch McConnell

KENTUCKY — A team of veteran Bigfoot researchers announced this week they…

Daily Soak Staff

Democrats Insist Graham Platner’s Decision To Step Aside Was Entirely His Own, Just Like Joe Biden’s

AUGUSTA, MAINE — Democratic leaders across the country stressed Friday that Maine Senate…

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Google Warns That Without Unqualified Foreign Labor, They Might Have To Hire Americans

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CALIFORNIA — Sounding the alarm over the Trump administration’s sweeping…

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Doctors Say Mitch McConnell Hasn’t Aged A Day Since Beginning Formaldehyde Treatments

LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY — Amid mounting public pressure and a frantic search for…

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Graham Platner Comes Forward To Accuse Graham Platner Of Sexual Assault

ELLSWORTH, MAINE — Calling it the most difficult decision of his life,…

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Congress Introduces Bill Allowing Dead Lawmakers To Continue Voting Via Ouija Board

WASHINGTON — In what congressional leaders hailed as a "common-sense modernization of government,"…

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Newsom Announces 31% Crime Drop Was Verified By Auditors From ‘Quality Learing Center’

SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — In a press conference aimed at silencing right-wing critics,…

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Ford Releases New Trump-Inspired ‘F-U 150’ Truck

(PARODY) Commercial for Ford Motor Company's newest pickup truck, the Ford F-U 150, a Trump-inspired model reportedly conceived within minutes of the president flipping off a heckler and repeatedly telling him “F…

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