Nervous Fauci Calms Himself By Imagining Rand Paul As A Beagle Getting Bitten By Sandflies
WASHINGTON — Facing another brutal, three-hour interrogation from the House Oversight Committee, a visibly anxious Dr. Anthony Fauci managed to calm his nerves by utilizing a classic public speaking technique by picturing Senator Rand Paul as a helpless beagle getting bitten by hungry sandflies. Witnesses in the hearing room reported that as Senator Paul (R-KY) waved stacks of unredacted NIH…
Awkward Moment As Zelensky And Netanyahu Simultaneously Reach For Trump’s Wallet
WASHINGTON — What began as a routine diplomatic greeting at the White House…
Nervous Fauci Calms Himself By Imagining Rand Paul As A Beagle Getting Bitten By Sandflies
WASHINGTON — Facing another brutal, three-hour interrogation from the House Oversight Committee,…
CNN Warns Mass Haitian Deportations Will Cause Humanitarian Crisis Due To Shortage Of Cats To Eat
ATLANTA, GEORGIA — Following the Supreme Court's recent decision allowing the Trump…
Awkward Moment As Zelensky And Netanyahu Simultaneously Reach For Trump’s Wallet
WASHINGTON — What began as a routine diplomatic greeting at the White House…
Bombshell Fauci Diary Reveals The Hardest Part Of Fighting COVID Was Fending Off Biden In The Shower
WASHINGTON — After years of stonewalling, the House Oversight Committee finally released…
James Talarico Tries To Win The Black Vote By Looting Local Shoe Store
HOUSTON, TEXAS — In a desperate bid to salvage his collapsing poll…
German Leaders Praise Terrorist Suspect For Ramming Pride Attendees Rather Than Throwing Them Off Rooftops
BERLIN, GERMANY — In a stunning display of progressive optimism following Saturday’s…
Larry The Cat Caught Carrying Giant Rat Out Of Downing Street By The Scruff Of Its Neck
LONDON, UK — Onlookers gathered outside 10 Downing Street erupted into applause…
Ilhan Omar Argues Embezzling $250 Million Was Victimless Crime Since Kids Were Made Up Anyway
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA — Standing before a crowded press pool on Friday, Representative…
Ford Releases New Trump-Inspired ‘F-U 150’ Truck
(PARODY) Commercial for Ford Motor Company's newest pickup truck, the Ford F-U 150, a Trump-inspired model reportedly conceived within minutes of the president flipping off a heckler and repeatedly telling him “F…
Ron DeSantis Sends Illegal Hurricane Idalia To Martha’s Vineyard
TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDA-- In order to avert another unlawful alien invasion, Governor Ron DeSantis ordered law enforcement to capture Hurricane Idalia as soon as it touched land in Florida and have…
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Daily Soak is an American satire news company that’s run out of a squalid sweatshop in the outskirts of Beijing, China under various labor law...
