Mark Carney Celebrates Grocery Inflation Slowdown After Canadians Can No Longer Afford Groceries
OTTAWA — Touting a massive economic victory for the middle class, Prime Minister Mark Carney held a celebratory press conference to announce that Canada’s runaway grocery inflation has slowed significantly, an achievement made possible entirely because the nation's citizens have run out of money to buy food. According to government officials, the dramatic slowdown was achieved through a simple but…
British Man Charged With Assault After Bruising Attacker’s Knuckles With His Face
LONDON — In a stunning display of modern, progressive crowd control, the…
Mark Carney Celebrates Grocery Inflation Slowdown After Canadians Can No Longer Afford Groceries
OTTAWA — Touting a massive economic victory for the middle class, Prime…
Raytheon, Lockheed Martin Lower Flags To Half-Mast For Top Salesman Lindsey Graham
ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA — Defense contractors across the country entered an official period…
Bigfoot Researchers Believe They Have Captured Rare Footage Of Wild Mitch McConnell
KENTUCKY — A team of veteran Bigfoot researchers announced this week they…
Democrats Insist Graham Platner’s Decision To Step Aside Was Entirely His Own, Just Like Joe Biden’s
AUGUSTA, MAINE — Democratic leaders across the country stressed Friday that Maine Senate…
Google Warns That Without Unqualified Foreign Labor, They Might Have To Hire Americans
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CALIFORNIA — Sounding the alarm over the Trump administration’s sweeping…
Doctors Say Mitch McConnell Hasn’t Aged A Day Since Beginning Formaldehyde Treatments
LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY — Amid mounting public pressure and a frantic search for…
Graham Platner Comes Forward To Accuse Graham Platner Of Sexual Assault
ELLSWORTH, MAINE — Calling it the most difficult decision of his life,…
Congress Introduces Bill Allowing Dead Lawmakers To Continue Voting Via Ouija Board
WASHINGTON — In what congressional leaders hailed as a "common-sense modernization of government,"…
Ford Releases New Trump-Inspired ‘F-U 150’ Truck
(PARODY) Commercial for Ford Motor Company's newest pickup truck, the Ford F-U 150, a Trump-inspired model reportedly conceived within minutes of the president flipping off a heckler and repeatedly telling him “F…
CNN Declares Biden Winner Of Presidential Election With 900 Gazillion Jillion Votes, New Record
WASHINGTON-- CNN has reported that Democratic nominee Joe Biden has officially won the 2020 presidential election with a staggering 900 gazillion jillion votes so far, which is more than every…
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Daily Soak is an American satire news company that’s run out of a squalid sweatshop in the outskirts of Beijing, China under various labor law...
