FBI Frustrated As Trail Of Missing Scientists Keeps Leading Back To FBI
WASHINGTON — Expressing mounting exasperation over a seemingly unsolvable nationwide mystery, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) announced that they are incredibly frustrated by the fact that every single clue in the recent string of missing nuclear physicists keeps leading directly back to the FBI itself. "It’s honestly starting to feel like someone is playing a sick joke on us,"…
Senate Leader John Thune Refuses To Bring SAVE Act To Floor, Citing Grave Danger Of Accidentally Winning Midterms
WASHINGTON—After returning from another three week vacation, Senate Majority Leader John Thune…
FBI Frustrated As Trail Of Missing Scientists Keeps Leading Back To FBI
WASHINGTON — Expressing mounting exasperation over a seemingly unsolvable nationwide mystery, the…
Senate Leader John Thune Refuses To Bring SAVE Act To Floor, Citing Grave Danger Of Accidentally Winning Midterms
WASHINGTON—After returning from another three week vacation, Senate Majority Leader John Thune…
Dogs And Cats Across Country Terrified After Congress Votes To Keep Haitian Immigrants On TPS
U.S. — A wave of unprecedented anxiety is sweeping through the nation…
Supreme Court Leak Investigation Stalls After Ketanji Brown Jackson Admits ‘I’m Not A Plumber’
WASHINGTON — Following yet another unprecedented, behind-the-scenes disclosure of the Supreme Court’s…
In New Book, Franklin The Turtle Doesn’t Recognize Canada Anymore
TORONTO, CANADA — In a startling shift from the gentle woodland life…
Ilhan Omar Blames Net-Worth Error On Hiring Accountant Who Got His Math Degree From The Quality Learing Center
WASHINGTON — Following a sudden and staggering downward revision of her net…
Shirtless RFK Jr. Demonstrates HHS Qualifications By Slamming Congressman Through Table
WASHINGTON — While getting fiercely grilled by Democrat Congressmembers during his first…
Mayor Mamdani Taps Biden As Advisor For City-Run Grocery Store Due To His Experience With Empty Shelves
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK—Mayor Zohran Mamdani announced that he has hired…
Ford Releases New Trump-Inspired ‘F-U 150’ Truck
(PARODY) Commercial for Ford Motor Company's newest pickup truck, the Ford F-U 150, a Trump-inspired model reportedly conceived within minutes of the president flipping off a heckler and repeatedly telling him “F…
U.S. Government’s New Open Door Policy Is Causing Mass Confusion
WASHINGTON-- A new bill was passed unanimously by both Republican and Democrat Congress members this morning called the Be Polite, Hold The Door bill, which makes it mandatory for anyone…
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Daily Soak is an American satire news company that’s run out of a squalid sweatshop in the outskirts of Beijing, China under various labor law...
