Abdul El-Sayed Spotted Casually Trying On Several Tactical Vests
DEARBORN, MICHIGAN — Michigan Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed was spotted at a popular tactical supply store yesterday, spending over an hour trying on various weighted vests, load-bearing harnesses, and heavy-duty chest rigs. Witnesses say Abdul El-Sayed appeared unusually focused on the interior padding and wire-routing capabilities of the tactical gear, pulling on several vests that featured prominent, bulky front compartments.…
Tragic: King Charles Forced To Squeeze His Own Toothpaste After Royal Valet Called Out Sick
LONDON, UK — The Union Jack is flying at half-mast above Buckingham…
Abdul El-Sayed Spotted Casually Trying On Several Tactical Vests
DEARBORN, MICHIGAN — Michigan Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed was spotted at a…
AOC Livestreams Herself Beginning Egg-Freezing Process By Swallowing Three Bags Of Ice Cubes
WASHINGTON — Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC) took to Instagram Live this weekend…
Congress Finally Reaches Bipartisan Agreement To Ignore Voters
WASHINGTON — In a rare display of bipartisan cooperation, congressional Republicans and…
Martians Starting To Feel Like Aliens On Their Own Planet After Influx Of 10 Million Earthling Settlers
JEZERO CRATER, MARS — Gazing out over a red, dust-swept valley now…
Minnesota Weather Service Forecasts 90% Chance Of Mugging
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA — The Minnesota Weather Service issued a statewide Mugging Advisory on…
Tragic: King Charles Forced To Squeeze His Own Toothpaste After Royal Valet Called Out Sick
LONDON, UK — The Union Jack is flying at half-mast above Buckingham…
Moderna Offers Free Tombstone To Anyone Getting New mRNA Flu Vaccine
CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS — Pharmaceutical giant Moderna announced Thursday that it is offering…
Scientists Rediscover Rare White Canadian Species Thought To Be Extinct
BRAMPTON, ONTARIO — In a stunning breakthrough that has captivated the global scientific…
Ford Releases New Trump-Inspired ‘F-U 150’ Truck
(PARODY) Commercial for Ford Motor Company's newest pickup truck, the Ford F-U 150, a Trump-inspired model reportedly conceived within minutes of the president flipping off a heckler and repeatedly telling him “F…
Buff High School Girl Easily Defeats Competition To Win State Wrestling Tournament
DERRY, NEW HAMPSHIRE-- A young high school girl has surprisingly defeated every one of her other female opponents to win a state wrestling tournament, destroying one hundred other girls within…
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Daily Soak is an American satire news company that’s run out of a squalid sweatshop in the outskirts of Beijing, China under various labor law...
