UK Police Assure Residents They Have Knife Crime Under Control As Long As They Avoid All Dangerous Areas, People, Activities, And Leaving The House
LONDON, UK — In a highly anticipated press conference inside Scotland Yard, Metropolitan Police officials proudly announced a major victory over the city’s escalating violent crime epidemic, reassuring the public that the threat of random stabbings has been completely neutralized so long as law-abiding taxpayers permanently lock their doors and never step outside again. The Chief Superintendent assured reporters that…
Mark Carney Caves On Tariffs After Trump Threatens To Return Ted Cruz To Canada
OTTAWA, CANADA — Prime Minister Mark Carney abruptly caved on Canada's retaliatory…
UK Police Assure Residents They Have Knife Crime Under Control As Long As They Avoid All Dangerous Areas, People, Activities, And Leaving The House
LONDON, UK — In a highly anticipated press conference inside Scotland Yard,…
Trump Escalates Trade War By Shrinking Canada By 50% On All U.S. Maps
WASHINGTON — In a dramatic escalation in the growing trade war with Canada,…
Canada Retaliates Against America By Instructing Border Guards To Aggressively Roll Their Eyes At U.S. Passports
OTTAWA, ONTARIO — Following the sudden collapse of trade negotiations and the…
India Retaliates Against Visa Pause By Tripling IRS Arrest Warrants And Extended Car Warranty Scam Calls
NEW DELHI, INDIA — India announced Wednesday that it would retaliate against…
Man Arrives In Hell To Discover Eternal Torment Is Just Being Followed By Flock Cameras
HELL — A newly damned man arrived in Hell this week expecting…
Target Apologizes To Black Community For Racist Clown Costume By Offering 10% Off Next Purchase Of Fried Chicken
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA — Following a nationwide PR disaster, Target executives issued a sweeping…
Doug Ford Threatens To Punish America By Stopping Ontario From Making Money
TORONTO, ONTARIO — Ontario Premier Doug Ford issued a stern warning to…
Mark Carney Caves On Tariffs After Trump Threatens To Return Ted Cruz To Canada
OTTAWA, CANADA — Prime Minister Mark Carney abruptly caved on Canada's retaliatory…
Ford Releases New Trump-Inspired ‘F-U 150’ Truck
(PARODY) Commercial for Ford Motor Company's newest pickup truck, the Ford F-U 150, a Trump-inspired model reportedly conceived within minutes of the president flipping off a heckler and repeatedly telling him “F…
So Cute! Loving Dad Gives His Baby Boy World’s Largest Teddy Bear For First Birthday
TOKYO, JAPAN-- Who says better things come in smaller packages? A loving dad from Japan just gave his baby son the world's largest teddy bear and the little boy couldn't…
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Daily Soak is an American satire news company that’s run out of a squalid sweatshop in the outskirts of Beijing, China under various labor law...
