Trump Endorses Jake Paul’s Sweaty Armpits After They ‘Worked Harder In 5 Minutes Than Massie In 10 Years’
HEBRON, KENTUCKY — At a rally Tuesday night, Donald Trump stunned supporters by announcing that his newest endorsement in the Kentucky Republican race was the visibly soaked underarms of YouTuber-turned-boxer Jake Paul, which the president said had already "done more honest work in five minutes than Thomas Massie has done in ten years." The endorsement came shortly after Paul joined…
Lindsey Graham Wakes Up In Cold Sweat After Horrifying Nightmare Where He Had To Fight In One Of His Own Wars
WASHINGTON — Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) awoke screaming in the early morning…
Trump Endorses Jake Paul’s Sweaty Armpits After They ‘Worked Harder In 5 Minutes Than Massie In 10 Years’
HEBRON, KENTUCKY — At a rally Tuesday night, Donald Trump stunned supporters…
Unemployed Dan Crenshaw Joins Somali Pirates After Realizing Plunder More Lucrative Than Insider Trading
MOGADISHU, SOMALIA — Following a devastating primary defeat that left him ousted…
Keir Starmer Torn Between Arresting People For Tweets And Arresting Them Before They Tweet
LONDON, UK — Government sources say Prime Minister Keir Starmer is currently…
Lindsey Graham Wakes Up In Cold Sweat After Horrifying Nightmare Where He Had To Fight In One Of His Own Wars
WASHINGTON — Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) awoke screaming in the early morning…
Japanese Domino’s Delivery Driver Commits Seppuku In Shame After Being One Minute Late With Pizza Order
TOKYO, JAPAN — A delivery driver for Domino's Pizza Japan reportedly committed…
France Surrenders To U.S. Minutes After Trump Tells Iran To ‘Unconditional Surrender’
PARIS, FRANCE — In a move historians are calling one of the…
U.S. Unveils Israel Loyalty Punch Card: Buy 10 Congress Members, Get 1 Free Middle East War
WASHINGTON — In an effort to streamline a long-standing bipartisan tradition, the…
Iran Council Chooses Achmed The Dead Terrorist As New Supreme Leader
TEHRAN, IRAN — Following the sudden death of Iran’s longtime Supreme Leader…
Ford Releases New Trump-Inspired ‘F-U 150’ Truck
(PARODY) Commercial for Ford Motor Company's newest pickup truck, the Ford F-U 150, a Trump-inspired model reportedly conceived within minutes of the president flipping off a heckler and repeatedly telling him “F…
St. Patrick’s Day Leprechaun Beaten, Robbed After Mistakenly Wandering Into Immigrant No-Go Zone Of Ireland
BALLYHAUNIS, IRELAND-- Authorities have reported that the famous Leprechaun was beaten and robbed early Sunday morning after he mistakenly wandered into an immigrant-only no-go zone of Ireland. The Leprechaun was…
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Daily Soak is an American satire news company that’s run out of a squalid sweatshop in the outskirts of Beijing, China under various labor law...
