Progressive Judge Explains That Keeping A Dangerous Criminal Off The Streets Only Solves The Problem Of Public Safety
CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA — A progressive judge explained Monday that keeping a dangerous career criminal behind bars may prevent him from committing additional crimes, but cautioned that this approach would only address the relatively minor issue of public safety while leaving the much more complicated social causes of crime completely unresolved. During a lengthy sentencing hearing, Judge Melissa Whitaker acknowledged…
Target Apologizes To Black Community For Racist Clown Costume By Offering 10% Off Next Purchase Of Fried Chicken
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA — Following a nationwide PR disaster, Target executives issued a sweeping…
Progressive Judge Explains That Keeping A Dangerous Criminal Off The Streets Only Solves The Problem Of Public Safety
CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA — A progressive judge explained Monday that keeping a…
UK Police Assure Residents They Have Knife Crime Under Control As Long As They Avoid All Dangerous Areas, People, Activities, And Leaving The House
LONDON, UK — In a highly anticipated press conference inside Scotland Yard,…
Trump Escalates Trade War By Shrinking Canada By 50% On All U.S. Maps
WASHINGTON — In a dramatic escalation in the growing trade war with Canada,…
Canada Retaliates Against America By Instructing Border Guards To Aggressively Roll Their Eyes At U.S. Passports
OTTAWA, ONTARIO — Following the sudden collapse of trade negotiations and the…
India Retaliates Against Visa Pause By Tripling IRS Arrest Warrants And Extended Car Warranty Scam Calls
NEW DELHI, INDIA — India announced Wednesday that it would retaliate against…
Man Arrives In Hell To Discover Eternal Torment Is Just Being Followed By Flock Cameras
HELL — A newly damned man arrived in Hell this week expecting…
Target Apologizes To Black Community For Racist Clown Costume By Offering 10% Off Next Purchase Of Fried Chicken
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA — Following a nationwide PR disaster, Target executives issued a sweeping…
Doug Ford Threatens To Punish America By Stopping Ontario From Making Money
TORONTO, ONTARIO — Ontario Premier Doug Ford issued a stern warning to…
Ford Releases New Trump-Inspired ‘F-U 150’ Truck
(PARODY) Commercial for Ford Motor Company's newest pickup truck, the Ford F-U 150, a Trump-inspired model reportedly conceived within minutes of the president flipping off a heckler and repeatedly telling him “F…
Sullen Obama Spends Last Christmas At White House As Third Term Winds Down
WASHINGTON-- It was a bittersweet moment for Barack Obama this Christmas as he enjoyed his last holiday party inside of the White House as his third term as president winded…
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Daily Soak is an American satire news company that’s run out of a squalid sweatshop in the outskirts of Beijing, China under various labor law...
