CDC Declares Chuck Schumer’s Fourth Of July BBQ A Public Health Emergency
ATLANTA, GEORGIA— The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) elevated Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer's annual Fourth of July cookout to a Level 1 Public Health Emergency this weekend after receiving reports that at least one cheeseburger had once again been declared "ready to eat" despite still visibly being identified as a single slice of unmelted American cheese resting…
Tearful Mark Carney Uses Canada Day Address To Thank Millions Of Indian Immigrants For Replacing Nation’s White People
OTTAWA, ONTARIO — Wiping away tears during a deeply emotional, nationally televised…
CDC Declares Chuck Schumer’s Fourth Of July BBQ A Public Health Emergency
ATLANTA, GEORGIA— The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) elevated Senate…
Mayor Mamdani Executes Defiant Air Conditioner To Enforce Heatwave Edict
NEW YORK — Standing before a high-definition camera in front of City…
Tearful Mark Carney Uses Canada Day Address To Thank Millions Of Indian Immigrants For Replacing Nation’s White People
OTTAWA, ONTARIO — Wiping away tears during a deeply emotional, nationally televised…
Mitch McConnell’s Office Insists Proof Of Life Photo Is Authentic
WASHINGTON — Hoping to put weeks of speculation about the senator's whereabouts…
Supreme Court Rules Babies Born At Disney World Are Intellectual Property Of Disney
WASHINGTON — In a devastating 5-4 decision that further entrenched the controversial "magic…
Trump Spends Afternoon Watching Migrants Fight In Steel Cage
WASHINGTON — Describing the event as a relaxing way to clear his…
Biden Elected President Of Retirement Home After 3 A.M. Ballot Dump Of 81 Million Votes
SUN CITY, FL—Residents of the Shady Acres Senior Living Community awoke Tuesday…
After SCOTUS Ruling, Clarence Thomas Revokes Amy Coney Barrett’s Conservative Card
WASHINGTON — Following her deciding vote in a 5-4 Supreme Court decision that…
Ford Releases New Trump-Inspired ‘F-U 150’ Truck
(PARODY) Commercial for Ford Motor Company's newest pickup truck, the Ford F-U 150, a Trump-inspired model reportedly conceived within minutes of the president flipping off a heckler and repeatedly telling him “F…
Kim Kardashian Gets Horse Head Transplant To Boost Ratings
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA-- In an effort to boost sagging ratings for her faltering reality show, Kim Kardashian recently had a horse head transplant procedure performed live on camera, with millions of…
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Daily Soak is an American satire news company that’s run out of a squalid sweatshop in the outskirts of Beijing, China under various labor law...
