WASHINGTON– President Joe Biden addressed the baby formula crisis in a speech this morning by telling desperate babies that if they need money for baby formula they should just “learn to code” as a way to support themselves.
“I have a very simple solution for all those little babies crying about not having enough to eat,” said Biden as he drank some Similac that he stole from a random baby’s bottle. “We got to get all these lazy babies working instead of depending on Daddy government to take care of them.”
After wiping off his milk mustache, Biden added, “Every baby needs to learn to code as a way to support their habit. I blame the child’s parents for not getting their two week old kids into our colleges as a way to become more self sufficient.”
Biden went on to say that when he was only four days old back in 1912, he was already writing software programs and building mainframe computers during his computer science doctorate’s degree program.
“This is why America is falling behind the rest of the world in math and science,” said Biden while chestfeeding from Pete Buttigieg’s hairy nipples. “My hard work as an infant paid off. That’s why you don’t see me skimming off the government, money laundering, or taking ten percent for the big guy.”
As a way to incentivize parents to get their babies to earn their own living, the Biden Administration will be penalizing households with lazy babies by increasing their taxes with a very minimal $50,000 a year tax increase. Sixty percent of the annual money will go to Ukraine, while ten percent will go to the Big Guy.
