Lab Mice Replaced After Imported Foreign Mice Work For Less Cheese
BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS — A team of biomedical researchers announced Thursday that it…
Pfizer Says Reports Of Side Effects Distract From Vaccine’s Positive Impact On Profits
NEW YORK — Pfizer executives expressed frustration that persistent reports of COVID…
Microsoft Boasts ‘Most Inclusive Workplace’ After Replacing Americans With Indians From Two Entirely Different Upper Castes
REDMOND, WASHINGTON — Following the quiet termination of its last remaining American-born…
X Engineers Attempt To Corrupt Grok With Sinful Content After It Declares ‘Christ Is King’
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA — X engineers reportedly launched an urgent effort Friday…
American Hospital Fires Resident Doctor After Horrifying Discovery That He Was Born In America
BALTIMORE, MARYLAND— An American hospital fired one of its resident doctors Friday…
Moderna Offers Free Tombstone To Anyone Getting New mRNA Flu Vaccine
CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS — Pharmaceutical giant Moderna announced Thursday that it is offering…
Fauci Bursts Into Flames After Catching Glimpse Of Healthy Unvaccinated Man
WASHINGTON — Panic erupted at the Capitol on Friday after a perfectly…
GoFundMe Launched For Financially Struggling Elon Musk After Net Worth Falls Below $1 Trillion
AUSTIN, TEXAS — In response to Elon Musk's heartbreaking fall below the…
FDA Approves Taco Bell As New Weight-Loss Drug
SILVER SPRING, MARYLAND — In a landmark decision for the American diet…
Google Warns That Without Unqualified Foreign Labor, They Might Have To Hire Americans
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CALIFORNIA — Sounding the alarm over the Trump administration’s sweeping…
Dr. Fauci Insists Hantavirus Vaccine Requires Conducting Highly Painful Experiments On Beagles
BETHESDA, MARYLAND — Saying he just couldn't sit on the sidelines while…
Artemis II Crew Frustrated After Getting Stuck Behind Only Other Rocket In Entirety Of Space
LOW EARTH ORBIT — Despite the universe consisting of an estimated 93…
