Moderna Offers Free Tombstone To Anyone Getting New mRNA Flu Vaccine
CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS — Pharmaceutical giant Moderna announced Thursday that it is offering…
Fauci Bursts Into Flames After Catching Glimpse Of Healthy Unvaccinated Man
WASHINGTON — Panic erupted at the Capitol on Friday after a perfectly…
GoFundMe Launched For Financially Struggling Elon Musk After Net Worth Falls Below $1 Trillion
AUSTIN, TEXAS — In response to Elon Musk's heartbreaking fall below the…
Google Warns That Without Unqualified Foreign Labor, They Might Have To Hire Americans
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CALIFORNIA — Sounding the alarm over the Trump administration’s sweeping…
Dr. Fauci Insists Hantavirus Vaccine Requires Conducting Highly Painful Experiments On Beagles
BETHESDA, MARYLAND — Saying he just couldn't sit on the sidelines while…
Artemis II Crew Frustrated After Getting Stuck Behind Only Other Rocket In Entirety Of Space
LOW EARTH ORBIT — Despite the universe consisting of an estimated 93…
Planet Fitness Names Transgender Serial Killer Buffalo Bill As Gym Ambassador Of The Year
WELLINGTON, NH-- In a move corporate spokespeople are calling strategically inclusive, Planet…
RFK Jr. Leaves T-Bone Steak And Raw Milk Out For Santa
WASHINGTON-- In a heartwarming yet unorthodox display of holiday cheer, Health and…
Pfizer Says Vaccines Would Be More Effective If People Stopped Having Side Effects
NEW YORK-- Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer released a statement Thursday clarifying that its…
Scientists Successfully Teach Man In Parrot Costume To Say Swear Words
PALO ALTO, CALIFORNIA-- In what is being hailed as a groundbreaking leap…
RFK Jr. Recommends Americans Inject Thanksgiving Dinner Directly Into Bloodstream For Maximum Nutrient Absorption
WASHINGTON-- In an early morning Thanksgiving Day press conference, Health and Human…
Dr. Fauci Spotted Wearing Furry Costume Luring Beagles Into Secret Basement Lab
WASHINGTON-- Local dog owners have been on high alert after it was…
