NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE– After firing commentator Candace Owens during a very public dispute over Israel and Jesus Christ, the conservative news company The Daily Wire was pleased to announce that they have already hired none other than the Prince of Darkness himself Satan to fill the position.
The CEO of The Daily Wire Jeremy Boreing said that Satan was a perfect fit for the show and promised that the ruler of Hell definitely won’t be saying anti-Semitic tropes such as “Christ is king” while employed with the company such as Candace Owens did.
“Great news, everyone, we already replaced that Christian girl who used to work here who I won’t even say her name,” said Jewish political pundit Ben Shapiro with the fiery, horned Satan by his side. “Mr. Satan has centuries of experience in geopolitics and religion, and we both can agree that neither one of us likes Jesus Christ and that Israel is vitally important in the plan to destroy the world and then rebuild it.”
Satan thanked Ben Shapiro for the opportunity to work for such a fine company that literally goes out of their way to mock Jesus and support genocidal wars that end up costing millions of human lives.
“I like your style, Ben, you’re even more evil than I am,” said Satan as they gave each other the bro handshake. “I love how you condemn cancel culture but then cancel people you don’t agree with. I’m truly proud of the fact that you are one of my chosen ones.”
“Facts don’t care about your feelings, except for mine,” said Shapiro with a smirk. “Hey, Mr. Satan, did I ever tell you my wife’s a doctor?”
At publishing time, it was reported that The Daily Wire had already fired Satan for not being evil enough and then hired Hillary Clinton in his place.
