FBI Scours Police Blotters For Crimes It Can Pretend It Solved
WASHINGTON — In a bold bid to maintain the illusion of relevance,…
Fitness Influencer Up All Night Practicing Outraged Reaction For Upcoming TikTok Video
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA — Fitness influencer Madison Blake reportedly spent the entire…
Tennessee Asks Canada For Help With Christa Pike Execution After Learning Canadian Doctors Have More Experience Killing People
NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE — Tennessee officials announced Thursday that the state was turning to…
Clancy Lawyer Asks If Anyone Has Considered Possibility Black Holdout Juror Killed The Kids
PLYMOUTH, MASSACHUSETTS — In a dramatic shift in legal strategy following a…
Judge Releases Repeat Murderer After Deeming 10-Minute Timeout Enough To Teach Him A Lesson
PORTLAND, OREGON— A local circuit court judge dismissed all charges against a…
Canada’s Official United Nations Address Delivered Entirely In Punjabi
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — International diplomats were left tapping their translation…
Netanyahu Uses Samson Option On Mayor’s Mansion To Avoid Mamdani Arrest
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Bypassing several layers of international law, Israeli…
Zelensky Spotted Passing Collection Basket Around United Nations
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky was spotted passing…
Geometry Teacher Suspended After Students Report Seeing KKK Hood On Whiteboard
SPRINGFIELD, OHIO — A local high school geometry teacher has been suspended…
Female Clancy Jurors Say They Felt ‘Unsafe’ Around Male Holdout Who Kept Insisting Killing Children Should Have Consequences
PLYMOUTH, MASSACHUSETTS — Several female jurors who deliberated in the Lindsay Clancy…
Georgia Authorities Rule HeeHaw The Donkey Died By Suicide After Shooting Himself Twice In Back Of Head
CEDARTOWN, GEORGIA—Putting to rest weeks of online speculation and public outrage, the…
Child Asks Dad If ‘Mistrial’ Means Mom Is Allowed To Start Killing People Now
PLYMOUTH, MASSACHUSETTS — Following the breaking news of a mistrial in the…
