U.S.– Due to the numerous malfunctions and accidents involving Boeing planes recently, longtime aircraft company Boeing announced they have now hired thousands of priests to stand near the airport gates to read passengers their last rites before boarding the flying deathtraps.
Rather than actually hire competent people to fix the malfunctioning planes, said Boeing, they opted to hire volunteer priests from around the country to pray over every nervous passenger who was brave enough to get onboard a Boeing plane.
“I commend you, my dear brother, to Almighty God for being stupid enough to fly on this unsafe Boeing plane,” said a priest to a man as he cried in trepidation of getting on the Boeing 737 plane. “May you return to Him who formed you from the dust of the earth. Because as we both know, you’re probably not going to make it to your destination today. Amen.”
Boeing also denied the rumors that their planes are falling apart in the sky due to their DEI practices in hiring workers based on their skin color, gender, or sexual orientation, because they refuse to hire people anymore who are highly skilled and competent.
“That’s nonsense,” said a Boeing spokesman when asked about their DEI hiring practices. “You can’t honestly tell me that there’s any difference in qualifications between a highly skilled and trained American airplane mechanic and a transgender illegal alien with a sixth grade education. I’d take the illegal immigrant with no skills whatsoever over a bigoted American expert mechanic who can repair planes in his sleep.”
When asked if he flies on any of his own Boeing planes, the spokesman laughed and said, “You gotta be kidding me? I like living too much.”
