WASHINGTON– The Department of Education put out a statement today that said, due to mass confusion, every school bus across the country is set to be repainted in colors that won’t mislead the public into thinking that school buses are taxis and vice versa.
According to the statement, 90% of the American public confuses school buses for taxis at least 90% of the time, leading many adults to get on school buses and argue with bus drivers over not taking their fare or looking the other way when hiding in the back and shooting up drugs.
“This is a much needed overhaul,” said Josh Brolin, head of the Department of Education and victim of School Bus Confusion. “Due to mass confusion among the public in differentiating between school buses and taxis, every school bus will be repainted in colors that will set them apart from taxis.
“Unfortunately, there’s still a small catch,” Brolin added as he adjusted his eyeglasses. “Colorblind people may or may not still have some confusion with the new colors, which’s why we’re asking any colorblind people to please stop riding taxis and take either subways, city buses, trains, or hitch rides with dangerous strangers.”
Even though a majority of the public is in favor of the new school buses, many have stated that they are against the change because the yellow buses are easier to spot when a cheating spouse is looking out the window for children to come home.
“Now I’ll have to be extra careful when I’m with my girlfriend,” said an unidentified 34 year old cheating husband. “At least when the buses were yellow, I could see them coming out the corner of my eye and get my girlfriend out the backdoor real quick before my bratty kid saw her and snitched to my wife. Leave it to the government to screw over the little guy once again.”
According to the statistics, 86% of school children have also made the mistake of getting on the wrong mode of transportation.
“It’s just so confusing,” said a 12 year old boy with tears in his eyes. “they’re all the same color. How am I supposed to know which one to get on? Maybe this’ll help me to understand better now and I won’t get on any more taxis and end up where all the women who stand on street corners and drug people hang out. I’m so glad the government’s here to help us kids.”
The Department of Education is having a poll on its website to let the public vote on which color they would like to see the new buses painted. So far, the top colors are:
Yellow- 96%
Urine-colored yellow- 3%
Yellow and urine-colored yellow combined- 1%
Voting on the School Bus Confusion Campaign ends next month.
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