Mark Carney Spins Prize Wheel To Determine Which Country Canada Will Sell Out To Next
OTTAWA, ONTARIO — Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney unveiled a new foreign-policy…
CNN Threatens Trump With Accurate Reporting If White House Ban Isn’t Lifted
WASHINGTON — CNN issued a stern warning to President Donald Trump Saturday, threatening…
EU Solves Immigration Crisis By Making Canada An Associate Member
BRUSSELS — The European Union announced Wednesday that it had solved its…
Texas Longhorns Unveil New Logo To Better Reflect University’s Changing Demographics
AUSTIN, TEXAS — The University of Texas at Austin announced Monday that…
Satan Threatens To Send Unruly Sinners Back To Canada To Wait For Medical Treatment
HELL — Satan announced recently that he has instituted a new disciplinary…
Republicans Promise To Protect American Workers By Replacing Them Legally
WASHINGTON — Republicans across the country unveiled a bold new plan Monday…
UK Prime Minister Andy Burnham Drops ‘Ham’ From Name To Avoid Offending Muslim Voters
LONDON — Newly installed UK Prime Minister Andy Burnham announced Sunday that…
Trump Adds Another Sticky Note To Refrigerator Reminding Him To Send Out Promised Checks
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump reportedly added another sticky note to the…
Biden Tells Black Juror He ‘Ain’t Black’ If He Votes To Convict Lindsay Clancy
PLYMOUTH, MASSACHUSETTS — Former President Joe Biden reportedly reached out to the…
Ilhan Omar Proposes Renaming 9/11 ‘National Day Of Unspecified Things Happening To Buildings’
WASHINGTON — Rep. Ilhan Omar introduced a resolution Friday proposing that September…
Indian Man Arrested For Vandalizing Neighborhood By Cleaning It Up
NEW DELHI, INDIA—Local authorities have arrested an Indian man who allegedly vandalized…
Ron Paul Chains Himself To Treasury To Stop Trump’s $5,000 Dividend
WASHINGTON — Former Congressman Ron Paul returned from retirement Thursday to chain…