Doctors Say Mitch McConnell Hasn’t Aged A Day Since Beginning Formaldehyde Treatments
LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY — Amid mounting public pressure and a frantic search for…
Congress Introduces Bill Allowing Dead Lawmakers To Continue Voting Via Ouija Board
WASHINGTON — In what congressional leaders hailed as a "common-sense modernization of government,"…
Newsom Announces 31% Crime Drop Was Verified By Auditors From ‘Quality Learing Center’
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — In a press conference aimed at silencing right-wing critics,…
CDC Declares Chuck Schumer’s Fourth Of July BBQ A Public Health Emergency
ATLANTA, GEORGIA— The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) elevated Senate…
Mitch McConnell’s Office Insists Proof Of Life Photo Is Authentic
WASHINGTON — Hoping to put weeks of speculation about the senator's whereabouts…
Supreme Court Rules Babies Born At Disney World Are Intellectual Property Of Disney
WASHINGTON — In a devastating 5-4 decision that further entrenched the controversial "magic…
Biden Elected President Of Retirement Home After 3 A.M. Ballot Dump Of 81 Million Votes
SUN CITY, FL—Residents of the Shady Acres Senior Living Community awoke Tuesday…
After SCOTUS Ruling, Clarence Thomas Revokes Amy Coney Barrett’s Conservative Card
WASHINGTON — Following her deciding vote in a 5-4 Supreme Court decision that…
Newsom Demands Investigation Into Governor Responsible For California Fraud Scandal
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — Calling the allegations "deeply disturbing," California Governor Gavin Newsom…
John Thune Explains He’s Just Not Ready For A Serious Relationship With SAVE Act
WASHINGTON — Senate Majority Leader John Thune sat down with reporters Tuesday…
Keir Starmer Steps Down, Immediately Handing Power To Bold New Islamic Leader ‘Keirlifa Starmaleed’
LONDON, UK — Following months of historic unpopularity, compounding street protests, and…
Luke Skywalker Posts Heartfelt Father’s Day Tribute To Man Who Cut Off His Hand
AHCH-TO — In a touching Father's Day social media post Sunday, Jedi…