WASHINGTON — Citing the need to maintain the administration’s signature aesthetic following the abrupt firing of former Press Secretary Katie Zacharia, President Donald Trump announced Friday the hiring of attractive blonde spokeswoman Stephanie Miller, a striking new addition to the White House communications team who bears an uncanny resemblance to senior adviser Stephen Miller.
“She’s beautiful, she’s articulate, and she understands that the most important qualification for this job is making me look good,” Trump told reporters while introducing the new press secretary, who appeared at the podium in a flowing honey-blonde wig and subtle lip gloss. “Look at her. She looks like she came straight out of central casting. And she’s tough on immigration. Really tough. Maybe the toughest woman I’ve ever seen. Nobody hates illegal immigration like Stephanie.”
The White House denied allegations that Stephanie was simply Stephen Miller wearing a wig, insisting that the president had hired a completely separate individual whose policy positions happened to be identical to those of the deputy chief of staff.
Officials also rejected claims that the new hire’s appearance had influenced the decision, noting that Trump had personally reviewed her application and spent several minutes examining her photograph before approving the appointment.
At press time, Trump was reportedly considering replacing several other senior officials with attractive blonde women, including Secretary of State Marco Rubio, whom the president said had “a terrific personality” but could benefit from a little more volume in his hair.
