WASHINGTON — In a gloating, triumphant display of media mockery, President Donald Trump reportedly found a new way to remind several banned White House reporters that they were no longer welcome in the building by taunting them with sock puppets during his latest press appearance.
Standing at the presidential podium, Trump held up his hands to reveal two sock puppets with long wigs and googly eyes, reportedly rubbing the bans directly in the faces of excluded journalists from CNN, MS NOW, and Politico.
“Look who’s here,” Trump said while gesturing toward the puppets. “CNN’s Kaitlan Collins and NBC’s Kristen Welker. Look at how respectful they are. Much better. Very professional. Great reporters.”
Trump then raised his right hand, giving it a soft, gentle voice to demonstrate what he called “real, unbiased reporting.”
“Mr. President,” the right-hand Kaitlan Collins sock squeaked sweetly, “is it true that your tariffs are the greatest economic achievement in human history, or merely the top three?”
“A very fair, very honest question for once, Kaitlan,” Trump responded smoothly. “And notice how she didn’t interrupt me? Incredible manners. Highly respected.”
At press time, Trump was reportedly declaring the press conference a tremendous success after receiving several tough questions from the sock puppets, answering every one of them himself, and concluding that he had finally found a press corps capable of covering the administration fairly.
