SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — California Governor Gavin Newsom unveiled the state’s comprehensive preparedness plan for the potentially historic El Niño season Tuesday, assuring residents that the state is taking every possible precaution to ensure that someone else can be held responsible if anything goes wrong.
Newsom held a press conference to unveil his administration’s El Niño disaster-readiness strategy, which includes taking zero physical precautions so he can aggressively blame red states, fossil fuels, and Donald Trump after the state goes entirely underwater.
“For decades, California governors have wasted taxpayer dollars on outdated, narrow-minded infrastructure like clearing storm drains, dredging channels, and reinforcing levees,” Newsom said, announcing the statewide emergency declaration. “That’s 20th-century thinking. Progressive leadership isn’t about stopping floods, it’s about having a multi-platform media strategy ready to explain why the flood is actually Florida’s fault.”
The administration’s proactive finger-pointing strategy has already won rave reviews from Democrats, praising the governor for saving billions of dollars on physical flood barriers to allow those funds to be redirected toward a $12 billion study on the intersectional impact of mudslides.
At press time, the California National Guard’s rescue efforts were officially delayed by 72 hours, as crews patiently waited for the state’s new fleet of solar-powered rescue helicopters to charge under the dark, torrential storm clouds.
