PARIS, FRANCE — French President Emmanuel Macron reportedly grew concerned Monday that the British government led by Prime Minister Andy Burnham was beginning to outpace him in the race to destroy his own country, with the French leader privately questioning whether he would be able to maintain France’s lead amid Britain’s increasingly impressive decline.
“Obviously, I’m pleased to see another European leader making such tremendous progress,” Macron told aides, “but I didn’t spend years systematically alienating my own citizens, presiding over mass immigration, and watching the country descend into chaos just to have Britain come along and do it all faster.”
Macron was said to be particularly troubled by Britain’s ability to combine record levels of public dissatisfaction, immigration controversies, and declining confidence in political institutions while still finding new ways to make matters worse.
Sources close to the president said he had recently begun studying the UK Labour party’s policies in hopes of identifying areas where France could accelerate its own decline.
“If we don’t act immediately, Britain will be a total wasteland while France is still stuck in minor civil unrest.”
At press time, UK Prime Minister Andy Burnham released a brief statement from 10 Downing Street dismissing Macron’s concerns as typical French posturing, assuring the British public that the UK remains fully committed to maintaining its lead in total systemic failure.
