WASHINGTON–The American people were overjoyed after hearing the good news that their elected officials in the House of Representatives had passed a bill that would quickly send out $14.3 billion in aid to address the surging border crisis, only to realize soon after that the money was actually going to yet another foreign country.
Newly elected Republican House Speaker Mike Johnson gave the American people the great news that Israel will be getting another $14.3 billion in aid if it passes the Senate while the United States continues to suffer, also reminding everyone that he has kept his promise of making Israel his number one priority once elected.
“I told everyone my first order of business is taking care of Israel, and Christians never lie,” said Johnson as Congress also proposed another bill to send billions more to Ukraine. “Now look, some naysayers might say I betrayed America, and while that may be true, you have to remember that when it comes to war and corruption there’s always plenty of money.”
After giving a standing ovation to a photo of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, both Republican and Democrat politicians alike laughed about the time when Donald Trump was president and they refused to give him $5 billion to build a border wall along the southern border.
“C’mon, everyone should know by now that us politicians always put America last,” said Johnson, chuckling. “You guys may as well get used to it because there’s going to be a lot more money going to Israel, in addition to the $3 billion annually we already give them. Don’t take it personally, it’s just that the American people are not our real boss.”
Immediately after approving the billions of dollars for Israel, Johnson and his fellow Congress members bowed their heads and then sent their thoughts and prayers in order to help solve the US border crisis, take care of all the homeless veterans, help the residents still suffering from the Maui wildfires, and fix all the damages caused in East Palestine, Ohio.
