WASHINGTON– With gas prices reaching an all-time high ever since he took office, President Joe Biden has advised concerned Americans to start pushing their vehicles everywhere they go as a way to save on fuel costs.
During a press briefing to discuss the rising cost of gas due to everything other than Biden, White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre wooed the crowd of reporters with the president’s ingenious idea of saving money on rising gasoline while at the same time getting in some much-needed exercise.
“President Biden wants all Americans to know that he feels their pain at the pump,” said Jean-Pierre, making a few car noises with her mouth. “These unfortunate astronomical gas prices have absolutely nothing to do with President Biden, even though this has only happened since he became president. Total coincidence.”
Jean-Pierre explained in full detail for the cameras how people should push their cars, saying to arch the back and make sure the vehicle’s in the park mode first to give car pushers an extra bit of resistance exercise to help strengthen muscles that became atrophied from being in COVID lockdown for two years.
“Now one more thing,” she added. “President Biden understands that some car pushing people may be a little low on energy from not having any real food to eat because of empty grocery store shelves. He suggests that everyone eat a big hearty pretend breakfast before pushing your vehicles and just pretend that you’re full and have lots of energy.”
Biden also advises anyone who took the totally safe COVID vaccine to not strain too hard while pushing their vehicle to prevent possible strokes or heart complications, even though he added that those medical conditions have nothing to do with the shot, just another coincidence.
