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Home » WORLD » Grand Moff Tarkin Claims He Gave People Of Alderaan Two Minutes To Evacuate Before Blowing Up Planet

WORLD

Grand Moff Tarkin Claims He Gave People Of Alderaan Two Minutes To Evacuate Before Blowing Up Planet

Daily Soak Staff
Last updated: November 1, 2023 2:33 pm
Daily Soak Staff
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Grand Moff Tarkin on Death Star as it blows up Alderaan.
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WORLD– In order to stop the Rebel Alliance and bring order to the galaxy, military leader Grand Moff Tarkin was forced to have the Death Star destroy Alderaan but claims he was kind enough to give the planet’s two billion inhabitants a two minute warning first to evacuate.

“Hey, I asked Princess Leia nicely to let me know exactly where the main rebel base was,” said Tarkin to Galactic Empire news outlets. “The Emperor offered the rebels a peaceful solution of simply giving us all of their planets and being subjugated to us and tortured on a daily basis, but they foolishly refused our generous offer and fought back.”

Tarkin also claims that he had no choice but to destroy the entire planet because the rebels were using the people of Alderaan as human shields and called the rebels dirty animals that needed to be eradicated.

“The Galactic Empire is just defending itself,” said Tarkin in reference to why they are committing genocide of billions of people. “For proof, just watch any of the Imperial mainstream media outlets and they’ll tell you how we’re the innocent ones who were unjustly provoked by a bloodthirsty, violent resistance movement and we had no choice but to use our highly advanced military equipment to take out a bunch of ragtag rebels with antiquated weapons.”

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Due to the ongoing war between the Galactic Empire and the Rebel Alliance, the governments of planets under Imperial control voted to give more money in aid to send to the Empire so that they can blow up more planets and kill billions more innocent people.

⚠️ This highly acclaimed article is satire.

TAGGED:CrimeIsraelMurderRated PGStar Wars

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