Goose Rapist Wanted By Police

LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS– Police are asking for the public’s assistance in locating a homeless man wanted for raping multiple geese.

In the quiet town of Little Rock, a 62 year old homeless man is being sought for questioning in the forced rapes of numerous geese inside of the Roam Free park located on Sesso Avenue. The alleged rapist has been identified by numerous witnesses as Buster Clinton, former local politician. One of the witnesses, who asked to remain anonymous, stated that Clinton is known around town as a real goose’s man.

“Yeah, everyone ’round here knows about Buster,” the witness said in a southern drawl, smiling after seeing the composite sketch of Clinton. “He’s sure got a way with them gooses. It’s almost like them there gooses be throwing themselves at him. These po-lice outta just leave ’em alone. Doesn’t look like them gooses are in pain or nothin’. Ole Buster used’ta be on the town board back in the day and I thinks maybe some folks ’round here never forgave ole Buster for what he done did while he was in office.”

Not all witnesses shared the same nonchalant sentiment.

“It’s rape, plain and simple,” said Martha Higgins, chairman of the local chapter of Southern Feminists Against The Rapes of Geese By Homeless Men. “Those geese are unwilling participants in Buster’s sordid sexcapades. Every time he penetrates one of those poor animals you can see the look of disgust in their little red eyes. How would you feel if some smelly old, drunken pervert wanted to mount you without showering, the proper protection and without wining and dining you first? Yeah, exactly.”

If you have any information on the whereabouts of Buster Clinton, then please call the Little Rock police department’s toll free number: 1 (555) END-RAPE.