WASHINGTON– For this year’s Halloween festivities, the White House has confirmed that President Joe Biden will be playing himself this holiday by dressing up as an evil, bloodsucking vampire that likes to grab little children against their will and then sniff and grope the life out of them.
While dressed in his sadistic predator costume, Biden attacked helpless children that were walking past the White House trick-or-treating and lured them inside with the promise of special treats as long as they didn’t tell mommy or daddy.
“Hey, come here, little girl, I got something sweet I think you’d like,” said Biden the Nosferatu as he grabbed the little child by the arm and ran his nose along the side of her terrorized face. “You look so pretty with your little barrettes in your hair. You remind me of this other girl I knew years ago. She was 12 and I was 30.”
One after one, President Dracula sniffed the souls from the unsuspecting kids and told them that if he doesn’t get into his Oval Office coffin before sunrise then the fake mask he’s wearing to cover up his true lizard identity would melt right off his face.
“Believe me, kids, I’m much prettier with this Biden mask on, but not as pretty as you little boy,” said Biden after sniffing a child’s hat through his nose. “Now don’t forget, kids, no serious guys till your 30. Even though you kids do look like your 19-years-old standing there wearing your cute Halloween costumes.”
According to sources, Biden’s son Hunter also joined in the holiday festivities by wearing a naked crack addict costume.
