MARTHA’S VINEYARD– Former President Barack Hussein Obama wasted no time searching for a new chef after his last gourmet cook was found deceased in the water near his property by placing a help wanted ad in a local newspaper hoping to find a reliable chef with their own paddle board.
Anonymous sources confirmed that Barack and Michelle were stunned after hearing the news that their last White House chef had passed away so suddenly, causing Obama to miss a couple holes in his golf game later on that day.
Before the coroner even removed the body from his property, Obama had already placed a help wanted ad in the local newspaper searching for a new chef.
“WANTED– Young, black, male chef, preferably between 18 and 30 y/o who specializes in pizza, hot dogs, and ice cream. Must be reliable and willing to work overnight in luxury home for husband and partner. Swimming experience not required, but must have own paddle board. Call 555-6969, ask for Michael.”
Obama paused his golf game for a minute to give a quick statement on the death of his personal chef and friend of the family, Tafari Campbell.
“I’m saddened to hear of the lost of my chef and extremely close friend, um, Timothy Chavez,” said Obama about Tafari Campbell as he pinched his leg to squeeze out a tear. “Michael and I have gone through the two minute grieving process and are now searching for a new personal chef. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the family of uh, Thaddeus Churchill.”
The former president then ate a hot dog in Tafari’s memory and said, “No chef has ever rustled me up a hot dog like my good friend and chef of many years, Terry Carter. This weiner’s for you, Travis.”
