OTTAWA, CANADA– In a climate change ceremony at Parliament Hill, Prime Minister Mark Carney awarded the Order of Canada to Ted Lee Bateman, the infamous Canadian serial killer convicted of murdering 420 women, for his “unparalleled contribution to Canada’s carbon footprint through the elimination of numerous greenhouse gas-emitting individuals.” The move comes as Carney’s government faces mounting criticism over its aggressive climate policies.
The ceremony, attended by WEF officials and climate activists, featured Bateman inside of a large cage and a slideshow of the serial killer’s victims with captions like “One less SUV owner.”
PM Mark Carney praised Bateman for “single-handedly lowering Canada’s population growth rate by 0.01%.” The Prime Minister emphasized that “every life taken is a life not contributing to climate change,” aligning with the WEF’s “Great Reset” goals.
“We must recognize all Canadians who’ve made significant sacrifices for the planet,” Mark Carney said, shaking Bateman’s hand through a small opening in the cage. “By eliminating so many mouths to feed, Mr. Bateman has single-handedly reduced our national emissions by 0.000003%.”
Bateman, who was previously known for operating a pig farm where he disposed of his victims’ bodies, was praised for his “innovative waste management techniques.” The WEF-aligned prime minister noted that Bateman’s methods “align perfectly with our Sustainable Development Goals.”
Critics argue the award is a desperate attempt to justify the government’s draconian climate measures, which have led to soaring energy costs and widespread poverty. “This is a slap in the face to every Canadian who’s had to choose between heating their home or feeding their family,” said Conservative Pierre Poilievre. “Next the prime minister will be putting Ted Lee Bateman into his official Cabinet.
The Canadian government has announced plans to erect a statue of Bateman in Ottawa, titled “The Carbon Cutter.” A spokesperson confirmed that Bateman will be eligible for parole in 2026, provided he completes a climate literacy course.
