WASHINGTON– Republicans in Congress have confirmed that the Chinese Communist Party has once again infiltrated the Democrat party’s Eric Swalwell with yet another Chinese spy in an effort to gain valuable intel, replacing the previous female spy Christine “Fang” Fang with the much less conspicuous governor of Minnesota Tim Walz.
Walz has had close ties to China for decades and has been secretly sleeping with various politicians in an effort to both steal information that would help China and also take down the United States from within.
When confronted by the DOJ, Eric Swalwell claimed he had no idea that Tim Walz was a spy for China and that the two of them were simply sleeping together, nothing else.
“Wait, what? Oh. c’mon, man, not again,” said Eric Swalwell when House Republicans told him they were opening yet another investigation into his sexual escapades with a communist spy. “Hey, I had no idea Timmy was working for China or had a lifelong connection to the Communist Party. I swear I never gave him any classified information no matter how much he tried milking it out of me, I mean, getting it out of me.”
In a surprise to no one, Biden’s Department of Justice found no evidence of Democrats Swalwell and Walz committing any crimes and then said that they will be focusing their attention on more pressing matters, such as helping Democrats rig elections.
