SPRINGFIELD, OHIO– America’s most trusted news source CNN has come to the defense of the tens of thousands of illegal Haitian immigrants who have been allegedly causing havoc in Ohio, claiming that the foreign cannibals eating resident’s pets and violently attacking people are a good thing.
CNN was quick to debunk the rumors of the Haitians eating cats and dogs and using them for black magic rituals, but eventually admitted the stories were not just true but were a good thing.
“Here is why hungry Haitians eating your pets is a good thing,” said CNN host Anderson Cooper while a video played behind him of Haitians cooking a dog. “By letting all these dangerous immigrants eat your pets, you are doing your part to help the environment. You’ll also be saving yourself a lot of time and money having to change your kitty’s litterbox every week. It’ll be better for you to just hand your fussy feline over to be eaten.”
In addition to letting the Haitians chow down on fried cat and dog, CNN also advised viewers that letting one of the illegal invaders take over your home will save you tons of money on housing costs.
CNN warned pet owners to make sure they remove any cat or dog collars on their pets so that the immigrants won’t choke on them while eating the animals.
