Nervous Fauci Calms Himself By Imagining Rand Paul As A Beagle Getting Bitten By Sandflies
WASHINGTON — Facing another brutal, three-hour interrogation from the House Oversight Committee,…
CNN Warns Mass Haitian Deportations Will Cause Humanitarian Crisis Due To Shortage Of Cats To Eat
ATLANTA, GEORGIA — Following the Supreme Court's recent decision allowing the Trump…
Mamdani Vows To Defend Haitian Migrants’ Right To Backyard Cat Barbecues
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — In a defiant rebuke of the conservative…
Karen Bass Secures Runoff Spot After Late-Night Delivery Of 80,000 Registered Labradoodle Ballots
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA — Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass officially secured a…
Dr. Fauci Insists Hantavirus Vaccine Requires Conducting Highly Painful Experiments On Beagles
BETHESDA, MARYLAND — Saying he just couldn't sit on the sidelines while…
Dogs And Cats Across Country Terrified After Congress Votes To Keep Haitian Immigrants On TPS
U.S. — A wave of unprecedented anxiety is sweeping through the nation…
Mayor Mamdani Goes Door-To-Door Checking Under Floorboards For Hidden Dogs
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK — Mayor Zohran Mamdani announced a citywide…
UK Dog Sentenced To 12 Months In Kennel For Eating Bacon Treat Near Mosque
LONDON, UK-- In an unprecedented legal case facing global scrutiny, a 3-year-old…
Dr. Fauci Spotted Wearing Furry Costume Luring Beagles Into Secret Basement Lab
WASHINGTON-- Local dog owners have been on high alert after it was…
British Man Jailed For 10 Years After Dog Accidentally ‘Likes’ Anti-UK Government Post
LONDON - In a shocking display of the UK's escalating war on…
British Police Deploy ‘Flag Sniffer Dogs’ Trained To Detect Citizens Hiding England Flags Inside Their Homes
LONDON, ENGLAND - In a shocking move to combat "hate symbols," the…
Dog Tests Positive For Rabies After Being Bitten By Rabid Dr. Fauci
WASHINGTON-- A wave of stunned silence and panicked barks swept across the…