WASHINGTON– A wave of stunned silence and panicked barks swept across the nation today as a beloved beagle dog named Charlie was confirmed to have tested positive for rabies following a bite from none other than former COVID czar Dr. Anthony Fauci.
The bizarre incident occurred at a local park where Charlie was enjoying his new found freedom after being one of the thousands of beagles that Dr. Fauci experimented on during his tenure at NIH. Witnesses reported that a visibly agitated Fauci was profusely sweating and foaming at the mouth when he lunged at Charlie, sinking his teeth into the unsuspecting dog’s neck.
“I couldn’t believe what I was seeing,” said a woman who chose to remain anonymous due to fear that Fauci would come back to bite her also. “One minute I saw that cute little doggie just lounging in the park and the next I see this ghastly little troll of a man snarling like a feral beast, with foam dripping down his chin, sinking his fangs into that dog’s throat. It wasn’t until later I found out it was Dr. Fauci. It’s so awkward now sleeping with my Dr. Fauci pillow at night.”
Health officials are speculating that Dr. Fauci himself may be a victim of a gain-of-function flu strain developed by rogue epidemiologists for nefarious purposes, with Senator Rand Paul promising to bring the half-dead, rabies-infected Fauci in to the Senate for questioning.
Authorities are warning local residents to be extra cautious if confronted by Fauci and to not take any of his medical advice or untested vaccines.
