Karen Bass Secures Runoff Spot After Late-Night Delivery Of 80,000 Registered Labradoodle Ballots
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA — Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass officially secured a…
California Investigating Smokey Bear For Agreeing With Trump’s Advice To ‘Just Rake The Forests’
SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA—The California Department of Justice announced that it has launched a…
Dr. Fauci Insists Hantavirus Vaccine Requires Conducting Highly Painful Experiments On Beagles
BETHESDA, MARYLAND — Saying he just couldn't sit on the sidelines while…
Local Canada Goose Disgusted Watching Immigrant Poop On Toronto Beach
TORONTO, ONTARIO — Staring in disgusted silence as an immigrant squatted and…
Dogs And Cats Across Country Terrified After Congress Votes To Keep Haitian Immigrants On TPS
U.S. — A wave of unprecedented anxiety is sweeping through the nation…
CNN Investigates Alarming Absence Of Black Crows In Predominantly White Seagull Beach Communities
ATLANTA, GEORGIA— CNN's investigative unit has uncovered a troubling lack of avian…
Mayor Mamdani Goes Door-To-Door Checking Under Floorboards For Hidden Dogs
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK — Mayor Zohran Mamdani announced a citywide…
Washington Post Articles Improve Dramatically After Laid Off Writers Replaced With Monkeys
WASHINGTON — In a bold restructuring move described by upper management as…
Afghanistan Dating App: Find True Love
(PARODY) Commercial for Afghanistan's all-new dating app, the premier dating app for…
World’s First Chimpanzee Chiropractor Doesn’t Know His Own Strength
(PARODY) Commercial for Dr. Bongo's Primate Chiropractic, the world's first chimpanzee chiropractor…
Scientists Successfully Teach Man In Parrot Costume To Say Swear Words
PALO ALTO, CALIFORNIA-- In what is being hailed as a groundbreaking leap…
In New Book, Franklin The Turtle Develops Myocarditis After The COVID Vaccine
CANADA-- In a devastating plot twist, beloved Canadian children's book character Franklin…