NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK — Mayor Zohran Mamdani announced a citywide initiative to inspect private residences for concealed canines, following his cabinet’s bold proposal to ban dogs because they offend Muslim sensitivities.
Mayor Mamdani was spotted going door-to-door in Manhattan, Brooklyn, and Queens to ensure that New Yorkers are not harboring dogs in violation of a respectful city policy inspired by religious sensibilities. The mayor even created a dog task force to find and arrest any dog located within the city.
“Muslims have the right to live in a dog-free city,” Mamdani declared, standing in front of a large “No Dogs Allowed” sign. “That is why starting today, I am banning all dogs from our city. To keep track of all these canines, every dog will be given a tattoo with a number on it and then placed into a large kennel. I am calling this new program ‘The Final Canine Solution.'”
The NYPD Canine Task Force has already seized over 2,000 dogs in the first week of the program, immediately putting the animals onto trains to send them up to doggie heaven. Pet owners are being fined up to $10,000 and facing up to 5 years in jail for harboring illegal dogs inside of their homes.
At press time, New Yorkers had reportedly begun digging secret tunnels beneath Central Park, designed to smuggle their dogs out of the city undetected.
