SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA — In a bold reimagining of election integrity, the State of California announced today that it has resolved all concerns about alleged double voting fraud simply by legally permitting triple voting, effective immediately.
Only moments after signing the bill into law, Governor Gavin Newsom announced that the revolutionary new strategy would finally put to rest any allegations of The Golden State’s widespread cases of double voting fraud.
“We looked long and hard at the issue of ‘double voting’ and realized the most sensible, equitable fix was to upgrade it,” said Governor Newsom at a press event this morning. “When I become president in 2028, I promise that my first order of business will be to make triple voting mandatory across the country. Well, just for Democrat voters of course.”
The governor went on to say that this new triple voting law only applies to registered Democrats, with Republican voters losing a vote to make up for the Democrats gaining another vote.
“It’s the right thing to do,” Newsom added with a smirk. “For far too long, selfish Republicans have been given one vote in our elections, while our marginalized vote fraudsters were forced to vote two times in secrecy in fear of being labeled a ‘cheater’ by all the rightwing fascists.”
California officials also stated they will be giving out stricter penalties to any Republicans who cast a vote, promising to crack down on single vote conservatives with hefty fines, prison time, or even the death penalty.
