OTTAWA, CANADA — In what Canadian officials described as a national narrative emergency, Prime Minister Mark Carney convened an urgent overnight meeting Sunday to determine precisely how President Donald Trump was responsible for Team Canada losing the Olympic gold to Team USA at the Olympic Games.
Sources inside the Canadian Parliament confirmed that Carney demanded his ministers figure out exactly how this is all Donald Trump’s fault, reportedly brainstorming theories such as tariffs, the America first agenda, Trump’s orange skin, and sophisticated Russian technology that altered the rink.
“Look, we’ve successfully blamed Trump for the housing crisis, the price of groceries, the weather, and even Tim Hortons slow drive-thru,” Carney told his exhausted cabinet. “Now we just lost the Olympic game due to our players being so weak and hungry because they can’t afford groceries due to my horrible globalist policies, but we have to find some way to make our braindead Liberal voters think it’s Trump’s fault.”
Despite the fact that the US President had nothing to do with the outcome of the game, Liberal voters embraced the “it’s Trump’s fault” narrative without question once again.
“I knew it was that orange buffoon Trump’s fault,” said a female Liberal voter from Toronto, wearing an “Elbows Up” jacket. “Prime Minister Carney said the Russian puppet Trump used sophisticated Russian technology to manipulate the ice so that our team would lose. We’re definitely not suffering due to eleven years of failed Liberal policies.”
At publishing time, China President Xi Jinping called Carney to congratulate him for his continued destruction of Canada.
