WASHINGTON — In a landmark 6 to 3 decision, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the U.S. Olympic men’s hockey team is constitutionally prohibited from scoring any goals in its upcoming matchup against Team Canada, while Canada remains free to bury the puck in the U.S. net as often as they please.
Chief Justice John Roberts explained that Team USA simply lacked the constitutional authority to take offensive shots on goal without a prior, explicit act of Congress.
“The Constitution clearly envisions a system in which foreign nations may score as much as they like,” Roberts wrote, adjusting his referee stripes. “However, when the United States attempts to respond with a slap shot of its own, that crosses into dangerous retaliatory territory.”
The decision is a thinly veiled mirror of the Court’s recent 6-3 ruling on international trade, in which the justices determined that President Donald Trump cannot unilaterally impose emergency tariffs on foreign nations, even as those same nations continue to levy massive tariffs against the United States.
Meanwhile, officials in Canada thanked the U.S. judicial branch for their commitment to generously tilting, both international trade, and the game entirely in one direction.
