LOW EARTH ORBIT — Despite the universe consisting of an estimated 93 billion light-years of wide-open, unobstructed territory, NASA’s Artemis II crew reported a mounting frustration after getting stuck behind the only other functioning rocket in the entirety of space, which turned out to be a nervous student driver on his very first solo orbital flight.
According to flight logs, the Artemis II crew first encountered the learner’s permit rocket shortly after leaving low Earth orbit, with the historic lunar flyby coming to an almost agonizing halt.
“We’ve got 93 billion light-years of open road, and I’m trapped behind a guy who’s doing 14,000 mph in a 25,000 mph zone,” Commander Reid Wiseman was heard shouting over the mission’s high-frequency comms. “I’ve been flashing my high beams for three orbits. We tried to pass him on the left, but he just started drifting into our lane without a blinker.”
Attempts to pass have reportedly been abandoned after the student rocket began drifting slightly in whichever direction Artemis II attempted to go.
At press time, pilot Victor Glover was seen rolling down the Orion’s reinforced window to make unprofessional hand gestures and yell expletives at the student’s flight instructor.
