WASHINGTON — Just weeks after being abruptly ousted from her position as the nation’s top law enforcement officer for a historic lack of productivity, former Attorney General Pam Bondi was reassigned Sunday to serve as the official White House Easter Bunny, with President Donald Trump calling the move a perfect lateral step for someone with her unique skill set.
During a Monday morning press conference, White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt defended Bondi’s new position, describing the transition from Attorney General of the United States to a six-foot anthropomorphic rabbit as a perfect lateral move that better aligns with Bondi’s unique skill set.
“This is not a demotion,” insisted Karoline Leavitt. “It’s a lateral move into a position where the primary responsibilities include smiling, waving, and not doing anything that might accidentally resemble accountability. President Trump says Pam Bondi is a natural fit for the new role, and that nobody is better at aggressively doing nothing than Pam.”
Despite the incredibly low bar of her new gig, reports indicate that Bondi still somehow managed to underperform. with numerous children claiming the Easter Bunny wouldn’t even wave at them and kept mumbling something about wanting to do a Fox News interview.
Due to her poor performance at the White House Easter Egg Roll celebration, the White House reported that Bondi would once again be reassigned as a decorative gargoyle for Halloween.
