CAPE CANAVERAL, FLORIDA — In a bizarre incident that has left fellow crew members speechless, an Artemis II astronaut was converted into a pillar of salt just moments after entering space and looking back at Earth, despite repeated instructions by NASA not to.
According to mission data, the Artemis II astronaut had become increasingly homesick for Earth’s sinful comforts almost immediately upon achieving stable flight, ignoring repeated warnings from Mission Control about the dangers of terrestrial sentimentalism.
“I just miss my Hulu account,” the tearful astronaut was heard saying over comms before her transformation. “And have you guys tried Taco Bell’s new Cheesy Gordita Crunch? It’s like divine intervention. I couldn’t live without it.”
The shocking turn of events eerily mirrors the biblical tale of Lot’s wife, who suffered a similar fate for her nostalgic glance at Sodom and Gomorrah.
The remaining crew members are now being treated for PTSD after witnessing their colleague dissolve into seasoning while she was muttering something about missing TikTok challenges.
