WASHINGTON — In a stunning new defense against allegations that he had a years-long sexual relationship with suspected Chinese spy Fang Fang, California Representative Eric Swalwell told FBI investigators Tuesday that the entire affair was impossible because Fang Fang is a woman.
“I want to be very clear about this,” Eric Swalwell told reporters during a recent press conference. “The allegations that I was somehow seduced or compromised by this foreign female operative are frankly insulting. She’s a woman. I don’t sleep with women. So how could I have possibly had a relationship with her? Case closed.”
The controversy reignited earlier this week when the FBI announced it was taking a second look at the Congressman’s past interactions with the accused Chinese Communist Party espionage agent, who was reportedly tasked with honey-trapping American politicians.
In response, Swalwell’s legal team immediately submitted a 400-page dossier to the Department of Justice, consisting entirely of Swalwell’s Spotify playlists that included all of his favorite showtunes, a photo of his wardrobe, a copy of a membership card to the Sausage Party Tavern, and sworn affidavits from several male companions.
In a final move, Swalwell’s legal team invoked the “Lindsey Graham Precedent,” arguing that if Lindsey Graham can remain a “confirmed bachelor” for decades without FBI scrutiny, then Swalwell deserves the same benefit of the doubt.
