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Reading: Beto O’Rourke: ‘I Will Not In Any Scenario Run For The United States Presidency’
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Home » POLITICS » Beto O’Rourke: ‘I Will Not In Any Scenario Run For The United States Presidency’

POLITICS

Beto O’Rourke: ‘I Will Not In Any Scenario Run For The United States Presidency’

Daily Soak Staff
Last updated: February 3, 2020 9:18 pm
Daily Soak Staff
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Parody Beto O'Rourke black and white campaign slogan.
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WASHINGTON– Beto O’Rourke gave an interview this morning where he had to once again answer an ongoing question about which political position he is campaigning for and whether he would be better suited for a different position instead.

During the intense interview with CNN‘s quirky host Brian Stelter on the popular show Reliable Sources, the former Texas congressman was asked whether he would consider dropping out of the 2020 presidential race and consider running for the Senate Democratic primary in Texas.

“Let’s make one thing perfectly clear, Mr. Ben Stiller,” O’Rourke told Brian Stelter in response to the host’s tough question. “I am not and will not be dropping out of the presidential race and I will not in any scenario run for the United States presidency.”

After Stelter grilled him further about whether O’Rourke would be better suited for the Senate and not the presidency, the persistent O’Rourke doubled down on his response by quoting a famous cartoon character.

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“A very wise military sailor named Popeye said it best, Mr. Bram Stoker,” O’Rourke snapped back as Stelter appeared bemused. “I y’am what I y’am and that’s what I y’am. That’s all I can stands and I can’t stands no more.”

Beto O'Rourke giving a speech inside of his bedroom.
Beto O’Rourke practicing earlier in front of a photo of himself in preparation for his tough interview with CNN host Brian Stelter. O’Rourke’s wife says that her husband feels most inspired when he’s in front of this photo that was taken many years ago while in front of the same photo.

Last year, O’Rourke ran against Senator Ted Cruz and almost got elected, with Cruz barely beating out the Democrat in the usually conservative Texas area. Confused, Stelter then pointed out again that perhaps O’Rourke should focus his attention on his home state before jumping into the presidency.

“What about the polls showing your declining numbers?” Stelter asked after ingesting helium. “What about Donald Trump‘s Twitter tweet about your poll numbers sinking faster than your mother can unbutton her overalls.”

“Polls shmolls,” O’Rourke fired back at the surprised host. “I’ll repeat this one more time so that even you can understand it, Mr. BooBoo Stewart. I will not be dropping out of the 2020 governor’s race. I’m running for mayor. I’m running for this Asian continent. I’m taking the fight straight to our current president Justin Trudeau and the rest of his Malaysian cronies and that’s what I’m focused on right now. Got it?”

The Reliable Sources host ended the odd segment by showing a cat video off of YouTube that he had tweeted while O’Rourke was rambling on about how he plans on cleaning up the streets of Iran once he becomes the Queen of the United Kingdom.

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“I think I like dogs, maybe I do,” O’Rourke said as he watched the cat video playing during the credits.

⚠️ This highly acclaimed article is satire.

TAGGED:2020 Presidential RaceBeto O'RourkeBrian StelterCNNDonald TrumpJustin TrudeauPollRated G

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