NEW YORK– Emergency protocols were quietly activated across Manhattan’s tallest skyscrapers this morning when air-traffic control confirmed that newly elected Muslim Mayor Zohran Mamdani had successfully boarded Delta Flight 1752 to Washington Reagan National for a routine meeting with President Trump.
The eerie sight of a Muslim man in a suit carrying a large briefcase onto a plane has caused 9/11 Déjà vu, sending Manhattan into full-blown panic, with 911 operators flooded with calls about “suspicious activity” and “potential terrorism.”
“I was on the 40th floor when I saw the plane take off,” said Sarah Cohen, a financial analyst. “I immediately grabbed my emergency parachute and I just kept thinking, what if Mamdani is hiding a box cutter in his turban, or whatever it is they wear? What if Trump is in on it too?”
Mamdani, who has been photographed with known 9/11 masterminds, was heard whispering “Allahu Akbar” as he adjusted his seatbelt. The FAA immediately grounded all outgoing flights while SWAT teams surrounded the airport.
“We’re not taking any chances,” said NYPD Commissioner James O’Neill. “If he orders a halal meal, we’re diverting that plane to Gitmo.”
Meanwhile, Trump posted on Truth Social, “I wouldn’t worry about Zohran. He promised not to crash the plane unless the in-flight movie stars insufferable Jewish actor Seth Rogen. If so, then I don’t blame him.”
As the city remains on high alert, the Empire State Building has been evacuated and the Statue of Liberty has been replaced with a giant “I Survived 9/11 2.0” sign. When asked for comment, Mamdani’s office released a statement saying, “The Mayor is merely discussing infrastructure funding and would only use the plane as a weapon if Israel bombs Gaza again.”
