FORT WORTH, TEXAS — A Texas Longhorn who spent years preparing for a respectable career in the American beef industry has reportedly been forced onto a street corner to sell itself after losing its job to cheaper foreign cattle, sources confirmed Friday.
Daisy, a 4-year-old Longhorn who had previously enjoyed steady employment at a family-owned ranch outside Fort Worth, said she never imagined her career would come to this, following the White House’s recent decision to flood the U.S. market with 300,000 metric tons of cheap, tariff-free foreign beef.
“I gave this country everything I had,” Daisy said while applying a fresh coat of red lipstick beside a streetlamp. “Four years of grazing. Four years of putting on weight. Four years of preparing myself for a fulfilling career in American beef. Now some scrawny, non-union steer from Uruguay is taking my spot in the meat grinder for pennies on the dollar.”
According to Daisy, she initially tried finding another ranch willing to hire her, but discovered that the American cattle market had become increasingly difficult for domestic workers.
Local meatpackers have largely defended the administration’s outsourcing, arguing that domestic cows simply aren’t willing to be ground into hamburger at a competitive price point. Meanwhile, American consumers remain torn between their patriotism and their wallets.
At press time, Daisy had reportedly received three inquiries, two from local steakhouse owners and one from a man who apparently thought she was selling handbags.
