Mamdani Labels Grocery ID Critics ‘Grocery Fraud Deniers’
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Declaring that democracy begins in the produce…
Illegal Alien Learns Olive Garden Has Stricter ID Requirements Than U.S. Elections
ORLANDO, FLORIDA — Saying the experience had left him deeply confused about…
FDA Approves Taco Bell As New Weight-Loss Drug
SILVER SPRING, MARYLAND — In a landmark decision for the American diet…
Mark Carney Celebrates Grocery Inflation Slowdown After Canadians Can No Longer Afford Groceries
OTTAWA — Touting a massive economic victory for the middle class, Prime…
CDC Declares Chuck Schumer’s Fourth Of July BBQ A Public Health Emergency
ATLANTA, GEORGIA— The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) elevated Senate…
Mamdani Vows To Defend Haitian Migrants’ Right To Backyard Cat Barbecues
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — In a defiant rebuke of the conservative…
Galactic Inflation Hits Hard As Single Portion Of Blue Milk Now Costs 45 Credits
MOS EISLEY, TATOOINE — Families across the Outer Rim are waking up…
Dogs And Cats Across Country Terrified After Congress Votes To Keep Haitian Immigrants On TPS
U.S. — A wave of unprecedented anxiety is sweeping through the nation…
Mayor Mamdani Taps Biden As Advisor For City-Run Grocery Store Due To His Experience With Empty Shelves
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK—Mayor Zohran Mamdani announced that he has hired…
Japanese Domino’s Delivery Driver Commits Seppuku In Shame After Being One Minute Late With Pizza Order
TOKYO, JAPAN — A delivery driver for Domino's Pizza Japan reportedly committed…
Denmark Threatens Salty Licorice Embargo On U.S. Over Greenland Dispute
COPENHAGEN, DENMARK — Escalating tensions with the United States over President Donald…
Mark Carney Successfully Trades Canada’s Entire Auto Industry For Free Egg Roll And Wonton Soup
OTTAWA, CANADA-- Prime Minister Mark Carney triumphantly returned from Beijing this week,…