TOKYO, JAPAN — A delivery driver for Domino’s Pizza Japan reportedly committed ritual seppuku Saturday evening after arriving one minute late with a large pepperoni pizza, bringing profound dishonor upon himself, his franchise location, and what he described in a written apology as “the entire system of punctual civilization.”
According to witnesses, the driver, identified only as 34-year-old Takeshi M., arrived outside the customer’s apartment precisely 31 minutes after the order was placed, immediately realizing the gravity of his failure.
“He kept bowing and saying, ‘I have disgraced my ancestors, the Domino’s brand, and possibly the prefecture,’” said customer Kenji Sato, who had ordered the pizza while watching television and reportedly had not even noticed the delay. “I told him it was completely fine. I hadn’t even opened the door yet.”
Witnesses say Takeshi knelt outside of the home, delivered a 12-minute apology speech, and formally accepted responsibility for the catastrophic breakdown in pizza delivery discipline, saying, “I failed to honor the sacred bond between customer and pizza. So, please enjoy the garlic dipping sauce.”
After deeply reflecting on the incident, the customer later came to the conclusion that it was his fault that the delivery driver was late, and so, consumed with guilt, committed seppuku himself.
