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Reading: Child Asks Dad If ‘Mistrial’ Means Mom Is Allowed To Start Killing People Now
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Home » U.S. NEWS » Child Asks Dad If ‘Mistrial’ Means Mom Is Allowed To Start Killing People Now

U.S. NEWS

Child Asks Dad If ‘Mistrial’ Means Mom Is Allowed To Start Killing People Now

Daily Soak Staff
Last updated: September 5, 2026 8:04 am
Daily Soak Staff
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A child talking to his dad on couch while mom dressed in pink shirt watches Lindsay Clancy trial on a TV
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PLYMOUTH, MASSACHUSETTS — Following the breaking news of a mistrial in the high-profile Lindsay Clancy murder case, a local 8-year-old cautiously approached his father Friday evening to ask if “mistrial” meant his mother was now legally permitted to start killing people around the house.

The child, Brayden Miller, reportedly became concerned after watching his mother Ashleigh enthusiastically celebrate the deadlocked jury while wearing a pastel pink “Radical Empathy” shirt and scrolling through TikTok videos defending Clancy and describing the case as an important moment for “maternal autonomy.”

“Mom knows Lindsay killed her kids, right?” Brayden asked his father. “Because she keeps saying we shouldn’t judge her, and then she starts crying every time somebody says the word ‘murder.’ I just want to make sure Mom hasn’t misunderstood which part of the story we’re supposed to be upset about.”

According to household sources, the 8-year-old’s panic intensified when Ashleigh joined several online groups dedicated to discussing maternal mental health, where members frequently praised Clancy’s courage, questioned whether society had been sufficiently compassionate toward her and criticized people who continued referring to the three children as victims.

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At publishing time, the boy had packed a small overnight bag containing three pairs of socks, a toothbrush and several granola bars and quietly placed it underneath his bed, just in case his mother begins referring to homicide as “an opportunity for society to practice radical compassion.”

⚠️ This highly acclaimed article is satire.

TAGGED:CrimeRated PG

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