ATLANTA, GEORGIA– CNN declared a major breakthrough after analyzing a newly resurfaced photograph showing President Donald Trump standing in front of a mirror, which the network says definitively proves Trump existed at a specific location during a specific moment in history, a fact anchors described as “deeply troubling.”
“This photo is profoundly disturbing,” said CNN host Jake Tapper, sitting in front of the image of Trump facing his own reflection. “What we know now, beyond any reasonable doubt, is that Donald Trump was somewhere at some time. And when you combine that with the fact that other people, including sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, have also been somewhere at some time, the implications are chilling.”
CNN ran a chyron reading “WHAT WAS TRUMP DOING BEING SOMEWHERE?” while their panel of experts debated whether innocent people typically appear in mirrors at all.
“I’ve looked at thousands of criminal cases,” said legal expert Maria from housecleaning, “and I can tell you one thing: mirrors don’t lie. The reflection is there. That’s concerning. Especially given the fact that Jeffrey Epstein also had a mirror reflection.”
At press time, CNN said an anonymous source claimed Trump’s shadow had sexually assaulted a woman at a party by extending over her buttocks area.
