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Home » U.S. NEWS » Progressive Judge Explains That Keeping A Dangerous Criminal Off The Streets Only Solves The Problem Of Public Safety

U.S. NEWS

Progressive Judge Explains That Keeping A Dangerous Criminal Off The Streets Only Solves The Problem Of Public Safety

Daily Soak Staff
Last updated: August 31, 2026 11:10 am
Daily Soak Staff
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White female judge wearing black robe in front of a black man inside of a courtroom.
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CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA — A progressive judge explained Monday that keeping a dangerous career criminal behind bars may prevent him from committing additional crimes, but cautioned that this approach would only address the relatively minor issue of public safety while leaving the much more complicated social causes of crime completely unresolved.

During a lengthy sentencing hearing, Judge Melissa Whitaker acknowledged that the defendant had accumulated a lengthy criminal record involving violent offenses, which includes aggravated assault, grand theft auto, multiple counts of weapon possession, rape, and murder, but said that incarcerating him would represent an overly simplistic solution to a problem that requires a much more nuanced approach.

“Yes, keeping him in prison would almost certainly prevent him from assaulting, robbing or killing anyone on the outside,” Judge Whitaker explained. “But if we simply lock up every individual who violently attacks strangers in broad daylight, what have we actually accomplished?”

Asked whether the public should be concerned about the defendant being released back into the community, the judge said that citizens should avoid being racist and making assumptions about people with lengthy criminal records.

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At press time, the recently released defendant had already been re-arrested outside a nearby bank, prompting the judge to schedule an emergency hearing to investigate how the police department’s aggressive response had compromised the repeat felon’s restorative healing space.

⚠️ This highly acclaimed article is satire.

TAGGED:CrimeJudgeRated PG

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