WASHINGTON– After multiple people were killed during a Christmas parade in Waukesha, Wisconsin, President Joe Biden immediately had Secret Service drive him down to the local ice cream parlor where he only asked for one scoop of vanilla on his cone instead of the usual two to show his concern for the tragedy.
As he walked back toward his presidential limo, Biden stopped for a few seconds to tell news reporters that the fatal incident gave him so much grief that he decided to show his empathy by only eating one scoop of ice cream.
“This is a terrible thing that’s just happened, I spilled ice cream all over my good tie,” said Biden as he used a Fox News journalist’s tie to wipe his mouth. “Now, what was I saying? Eh, it doesn’t really matter. My whole day is now ruined after getting my only tie dirty.”
While grieving families dealt with the horrific events of the day, Biden’s handlers informed him that the best thing for him to do is to just pretend that he doesn’t even know it happened, which may explain why the president still hasn’t put out an official statement similar to the one Donald Trump released early this morning.
White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki told the news corps that although the parade deaths kind of suck, President Biden wants everyone to quickly move on and focus on more pressing issues, such as arresting parents who ask too many questions about their children’s educational material.
Biden probably doesn’t even know he’s alive.