ATLANTA, GEORGIA– Chick-fil-A made a major announcement this morning on their Twitter account saying that, due to pressure to be more inclusive of other groups that don’t support Christian beliefs, they will no longer be serving their customers chickens that practice Christianity.
The fast food restaurant company went on to say that after facing backlash from non-Christian groups, they made the simple decision to immediately fire the millions of Jesus-worshiping birds and replace them with either atheist chickens or those that practice other forms of religion as long as it wasn’t a Christian denomination.
Many in the non-Christian community who initially protested the restaurant chain’s use of Christian birds are now saying that, even though this is a step in the right direction, terminating the employment of “fowl Christian chickens” is not enough and more needs to be done before someone can safely patronize the fast food business.
“It’s not enough,” said Stew Panderson who heads GLACC, Guys and Ladies Against Christian Chickens. “If Chick-fil-A is serious about their pledge to stop holding the claws of these divisive Bible-thumping chickens, then they need to go after the Christian pigs next that they hire to serve us bacon and sausage.”
Even though members of GLACC say they will start eating at Chick-fil-A once they also fire any Christian pigs employed by the company, other anti-discrimination organizations say that firing all chickens and pigs is still not enough.
“What about the buns and lettuce working at Chick-fil-A who also practice Christianity?” Asked Bill Bangkok of CAACBL, Community Action Against Christian Buns and Lettuce. “So what if they’ve fired all those chickens and pigs. That means when I get my sandwich I still have to be served those nasty buns and lettuce who hate people like me.”
Due to the recent firings, unemployment offices across the country have been inundated with millions of chickens looking for work.
With so many birds out of the workforce right before the 2020 presidential election, many right-wing groups are now speculating that perhaps getting all these chickens terminated was a ploy to sink President Donald Trump’s low unemployment numbers.
Because most chickens identify as Christian, Chick-fil-A is having difficulty finding enough birds to fill the vacancies, so the once beef-free chain has been interviewing cows for the chicken sandwich positions.
