WASHINGTON– This year President Donald Trump spared two lucky turkeys for the annual presidential pardon, but one of the male birds has caused a Code Red inside the White House after going missing somewhere between the Taj Mahal Casino Room and the Oval Office bathroom.
Once Trump used his executive powers to pardon the North Carolina-born fowls “Bread” and “Butter,” the birds were immediately whisked away for a question and answer session with the press where they were to give their thoughts on the current impeachment hearings as well as if they had any possible plans on entering the 2020 presidential race to give the Democrat field some legitimacy.
But shortly after the final words of the president were altered by news media outlets, Butter slipped away from the limelight and found himself roaming around the large rooms of the White House unbeknownst to the hundreds of people present.
Everyone who was questioned as a witness claimed that they thought the bird was merely CNN’s quirky host Brian Stelter dressed in a white suit and gobbling incoherently
According to an earlier statement put out by the White House, Butter was last seen in the Oval Office where surveillance video showed two secret service agents walking around in circles as the turkey giggled while hiding behind Trump’s huge desk.
After Secret Service agents failed to locate the slippery bird, the White House called in the special poultry unit of the Armed Forces with orders to capture any moving feathery thing that resembled Brian Stelter.
At approximately 3 am today, it was reported that both Butter and Brian Stelter were found safely, with military personnel unsure which one to return to the turkey farm and which one to CNN.
UPDATE: After this article was written, it was reported that Butter was mistakenly sent to CNN headquarters, while Stelter was sent out to the turkey farm. It’s also been reported that today’s episode of Reliable Sources was the highest rated of the season.
