LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA — Fitness influencer Madison Blake reportedly spent the entire night Tuesday practicing increasingly outraged facial expressions and hand gestures in front of her bathroom mirror in preparation for an upcoming TikTok video detailing a non-existent threat at her local gym.
According to sources, Blake spent weeks agonizing over how to generate viral engagement after an entire month of gym sessions yielded zero men making eye contact with her. Blake initially attempted practicing a look of mild anger before deciding to include a disappointed head shake, an incredulous laugh, and an expression she described as a woman who has finally had enough.
“I don’t understand why men think they can just look at women at the gym,” Blake said, pausing to adjust the thong panties she had selected to wear to the gym. “Women should be able to work out without being objectified.”
Friends noted that Blake’s urgency was due to comedian Shane Gillis’s recent Saturday Night Live monologue, in which he poked fun at the rampant absurdity of high-waisted compression attire and the manufactured paranoia surrounding gym photography.
She also carefully rehearsed spontaneous lines such as “Guys, I am literally shaking right now,” “I shouldn’t have to exist in public like this,” and “Watch his eyes in slow motion. He blinked twice, which is a known predatory power move.”
At press time, Blake was reportedly considering a second video in which she would explain how exhausting it is to constantly be judged by strangers online, after noticing that her first video might not receive enough views to justify the effort.
