LOUDOUN, VIRGINIA — Conservative radio host Mark Levin warned his listeners that the “America First” platform has been dangerously contaminated by a literal, legal focus on the United States.
The meltdown follows a week of mounting tension between the White House and Jerusalem, sparked by President Trump and Vice President JD Vance aggressively defending a newly signed Iran peace deal and ordering Israel to “behave” and stop launching unapproved airstrikes that disrupt global shipping lanes.
“This is not the America First I was promised,” Mark Levin shouted during a three-hour special broadcast. “I have looked at the fine print of this so-called ‘America First’ policy, and I am disgusted! It turns out there is a disturbing, unconstitutional amount of America in it! They are actually putting the United States first! It’s sick, it’s twisted, and it’s a total betrayal of our sacred obligation to fund endless global friction!”
Sources say Levin spent much of the evening carefully examining the platform for hidden footnotes clarifying that America First actually meant America Second, America Third, or perhaps America Somewhere Around Fifth After Everyone Else.
“I supported America First because I assumed it was political branding.”
At press time, Ben Shapiro had joined Mark Levin in solidarity, broadcasting an emergency 14-hour podcast trying to convince his listeners that putting America first was woke, leftwing propaganda.
