LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA — Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass officially secured a spot in November’s runoff election Wednesday morning after county election workers discovered an additional 80,000 mail-in ballots cast by registered Labradoodles that had reportedly arrived at a downtown counting facility shortly after 3 AM.
The massive, unexpected influx of canine voters—who broke 99.8% in favor of incumbent Mayor Karen Bass—provided the precise mathematical margin needed to erase reality TV star Spencer Pratt’s surprising early lead, successfully securing Bass’s spot in the November runoff.
“Democracy is not just for our two-legged voters,” Mayor Karen Bass said during a post election press conference. “Today, the progressive, curly-haired canine community of Los Angeles sent a loud, clear message that they reject the chaotic, reality-TV extremism of my opponent, and they demand a steady hand to guide this city’s ongoing, multi-billion-dollar intersectional dog-park infrastructures.”
Questions emerged almost immediately after independent researchers noted that California is believed to contain fewer than 30,000 actual Labradoodles.
When asked how the state could have nearly three times as many registered Labradoodle voters as living Labradoodles, state officials clarified that many dogs maintain multiple dog house residences.
At press time, officials reported that several additional shipments remained outstanding, including 25,000 Goldendoodle ballots, 18,000 French Bulldog absentee ballots, and an estimated 12,000 provisional ballots submitted by cats whose signatures were still undergoing verification.
