WASHINGTON — In a stunning cost-saving measure, the Democratic National Committee has announced the immediate suspension of all midterm campaign spending, realizing that establishment Republican “RINOs” are already doing a much better job of sabotaging the GOP than any Democrat ad campaign ever could.
The decision comes just hours after a coalition of RINO (Republican In Name Only) senators joined Democrats to successfully kill the SAVE Act, a bill supported by 83% of the American public that would have required proof of citizenship to vote in federal elections.
“It’s truly a blessing,” said one high-ranking DNC strategist. “We had millions of dollars earmarked for attack ads painting the Republicans as an out-of-touch, swampy elite that actively works against the will of the American voter, but then we realized they’re just doing that themselves. Why spend donor money pointing out that the GOP establishment hates their own base when John Thune is out there demonstrating it on live television for free?”
Meanwhile, on the other side of the aisle, establishment Republicans are patting themselves on the back for another successful day of preventing anything meaningful from happening. Other RINOs expressed deep concern that if the SAVE Act passed, they might actually have to start campaigning on their conservative records instead of relying on the same mysterious late-night ballot drops as their Democrat colleagues.
At publishing time, the RNC had reportedly announced a new $50 million initiative to launch a committee to study why Republican voters are so incredibly angry with them.
