U.S.– Following the announcement that Health Secretary RFK Jr. was terminating the contracts on mRNA vaccines, frantic liberals across the nation began storming pharmacies, clinics, and pop-up vaccine tents to inject as many COVID mRNA shots as humanly possible.
In fear that they may no longer be able to acquire their weekly boosters, pro-vaxxers were sent into a frenzy at the thought of having to try to survive in a country that “denies science.” After the news about the termination of the vaccines broke this morning, Jenna Kale, a 45-year-old stay-at-home cat mom, said she immediately went out and received ten vaccine shots and five boosters.
“This is the end of science as we know it,” wailed Jenna in a panic as she rolled up both of her shirt sleeves and pant legs for simultaneous injections. “RFK Jr. is a vaccine-denying lunatic who’s going to get us all killed. I’ve only had 369 vaccine shots so far this year, and I’m way behind schedule. I should have gotten at least 1,000 shots by now. That’s probably why I have terminal turbo cancer and 28 heart surgeries.”
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. declared that the Department of Health and Human Services would be terminating the vaccines as soon as possible due to them not actually being safe and effective, and advised against anyone going out and overdosing on vaccines or stockpiling vials.
After hearing that RFK Jr. had warned about overdosing on vaccines due to the serious health risk, Jenna immediately went right back out and received her 234th vaccine shot in the last ten hours. “Another 900 more and at least I’ll be safe for the next two days.”
