MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN– A rabble-rousing man who tried disrupting the RNC Convention as Donald Trump walked by has eluded capture from experienced Secret Service agents by simply jogging up mildly sloped ground to make his escape.
After the attempted assassination of Trump during last week’s rally, Secret Service agents were taking no chances so they decided to chase after the suspicious man only to stop dead in their tracks once the suspect started walking a little faster up a slight incline.
“Abort, abort mission,” said one of the Secret Service agents as soon as they approached the little hill. “We can’t go any farther. This ground’s too sloped. Our Secret Service director said it’s much too dangerous for us to approach anyone if the ground’s not level enough. I guess we’re going to have to just let that guy go. Hopefully this won’t come back to hurt us later.”
While standing at the foot of the hill, the agents hugged and consoled one another on how close they were at almost possibly getting hurt walking up the slight incline.
Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheatle praised her brave agent’s decision to put safety first by not engaging with anyone on sloped surfaces and promised to reward those brave white male agents by replacing them with incompetent DEI hires.
